Accidental drinking
by Helkavana
Summary: Kuroko goes to school and guess what more? He goes to school drunk. ( Humor and cursing and no. Not Yaoi. Kuroko might try to seduce people that are girls or boys. He's drunk. Geez. )
1. The start

To make this story I am going to make Kurokos mother work overseas and his father to be at home. Here goes.

Oh and no Yaoi or Yuri.

This is the prologue. Sorry it's short.

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His father had went drinking and of course the other morning Kuroko had found him lying on the couch. Sleeping with only a tie and trousers. He ignored his father as he made his way to the kitchen. As it was usual that once a month his father would go drinking.

Kurokos hair had been already tamed and he had his school clothes. He was almost ready to go to school, but first he had to eat his usual breakfast. Yes... Usual. The phantom sixth man opened the fridge and took the milk out of the fridge and put it on the table. He closed the fridge and walked to take some bread. He took a glass from a cabinet. The phantom sixth man walked back to the place where the milk was and poured some in the glass.

Kuroko took the glass to his hand. Then he put the glass to his lips and gulped some of the liquid. He moved the glass away from him. The milk tasted kind of weird. He anyway proceeded to eat his breakfast.

As soon as he finished he started to walk to the front door. He put on his shoes and opened the front door.

''I am going now.'' Kuroko said to himself and stepped out of the house and locked the door.

As soon as he was moving. It took Kuroko a bit to notice that he was feeling unusually dizzy.

He dismissed it as being tired so he continued his journey to school.


	2. Class

I am really really really darn sorry! Oh god I am sorry! I was lazy and very sick and computer a douche!Sorry D:

But anyway! The story you all have Been waiting. Now please don't kill me :c

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_Jumping to Kagamis P.O.V (or you know. Where he is)_

'Damn.'

'The teacher was sure late.' Thought Kagami as he sat there elbow on the table, leaning to his palm. His eyes were a little droopy as he glanced at the clock. Precisely counting - as he had SOME math skills from elementary school - that the teacher was over 25 minutes late. It was extremely weird, because when the school bells ringed the teacher would always come 10 minutes from it and this was strange. Even he with his poor observation skills he could make out that this was totally weird. ' Oh well... not to dwell on it too much.' He said as he soon closed his eyes and started to slowly.. _slowly _drift to sleep.

...

...

_BAM!_

Kagamis head shot up. With his eyes wide open he scanned for the cause of the big noise and he found a very, very, _very _disturbing, shocking or funny sight and Kagami thought that his eyes couldn't even get wider as he saw, that there. Standing on the doorway was his own Shadow and partner. Kuroko Tetsuya dressed as a female teacher. With a white V neck shirt underneath seems to be what?! Two melons to make it look like he has boobs?! And then with a low black skirt and too big black high heels that looked very big to his legs. He had also glasses on his face to make him look.. Professional? And gladly he didn't have a wig or anything. So that's how he recognized the shadow. Even though he didn't want to believe it...

''What the...'' he couldn't even finish the sentence.

_Readers P.O.V_

When Kuroko walked in the class he was the center of the attention.

As the teal haired - supposedly male sloppily walked towards the desk and when he was there he sat on the desk and by accident stretched his legs apart in his drunken state and as he had a low skirt it showed the whole class his underwear that was - surprise surprise - a thong. The whole class furiously blushed. All who had _decency _looked away to the teal heads face avoiding to make eye contact with the said thong - and those who weren't decent were the girls and few guys who were still looking at his underwear

Kuroko opened his mouth ''Hey students. I will teach you some nice things today Ok. Now don't worry.. you know.. worry about the umm.. other teacher I think.. so I mean don't worry about that teacher, cuz he got into an accident. So kind of I am teaching you now...'' His words were quite impolite, slurry and messy as he was quite drunk. ''So today we are learning the heck I want. So got your fucking math books and and biology books. I am gonna teach you some shit.'' He paused taking a breath. ''And whoever doesn't take out my assigned book thingy will be nicely punished~'' The phantom bit his lip. Making the word punished a very nice words to the horny teenagers and that of course led to only few taking out their books.

If you were wondering what Kagami was doing. Well. Taking nicely out his books and praying that this is a nightmare or that it was someone else and why isn't he going in and stopping the phantom - or taking photos?- well of course he was too shocked. It was too shocking to him to make a move.

''Now I would do an educational thing and that I will do. Now. Open your some number page and just stare at it and think I am actually talking about that.'' Kuroko watched with his eyes around as people turned the page to a random page and then he continued. ''Now as you can see. Babies are not made by chocolate nor milk.'' He paused and then mumbled to himself. ''Doesn't milk look like sperm? Well what fuck ever.'' he continued on a loud voice. ''Where I left off! So. Do you know where babies come from? Your assholes you know now that might sound bad but no! I mean I am lying damn it. Like umm it would hurt I think... Cuz kind of when you poop out the baby poop and then it just transforms to a baby.'' Kuroko stood got off the desk very professionally. ''It would like kind of hurt.'' He went to the board. ''The lesson of the day.'' He started writing **Poop babies** ''Now that might sound childish I know I know you dickheads.'' He paused. ''BUT! It's true. I have tried it. I mean no. I mean yes. I think yes but then I want to say no...'' He paused again putting two fingers on his chin. ''Then again that sounds so lame. Like what the hell is with Poop Babies? So damn lame.''

He started writing again. ''Now let's not think about the lesson I did there. Erase that from your heads or else gonna cut it, but now..'' he turned to the class. ''Let me tell you something that your parents didn't tell you about..'' His expression turned to serious. ''That you... my friends or students...'' the anticipation. ''Are gay.''

Silence..

..

And then the teal haired male starting running awkwardly because of his drunken stupor out of the class while laughing he also nicely fell because of his high heels and so he took them off and started running again to know where.

And well Kagami.. was well kind of still shocked. Very very shocked..

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Well I am kind of sorry if this is unfunny and Kuroko is OOC. BUT! I can explain why Kuroko is so OOC, cuz he is drunk and I am really sorry if you expected more of me. I am sorry I will go hide there please don't kill meeee~ :C

Also this was kind of short sorry - not sorry I mean I am and I mean damn it go get a cookie..

Btw : I am sorry if Kagami didn't do much and I mean this chapter seemed too childish I dunno.. but there is more childishness in the next chapter.

Oh yeah and PS: There was a lovely reminder there that PM;mmed me. Thanks :D I am still continuing. Sorry about the wait XDD

PSS: Now if you see grammar mistake when Kuroko speaks it's because I meant to make it look like that as he is drunk.


	3. Closet Time!

Holy shit did I not update this story! AAAND, because of that. I will be updating three chapters. Today to the day after tomorrow. Like holy shit. Don't worry. I will make premade chapters to update. Now pleaze no hade andd let's begun dis.

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_(To where Kagami currently is)_

As of now. The redheaded ace was looking very traumatized and panicky. He was frantically looking for someone, maybe he was searching a drunken teen that maybe 12 minutes earlier had run out like a madman who found a way to do.. Evil things. Very evil things.

Now. Kagami still didn't know that the teal haired teen was drunk, but at least he had suspicions that he was on some kind of drug or something or he went mad... Nah. Probably not. He DID survive three years with the Generation of Friendship is magic.- Oh wait it was not the time to think about that stuff. He had to find the teal haired teen before things get worse. As he seemed to notice, that it was not very smart to leave THAT kind of Kuroko free at school. No one knew what- 'da fuck?!'

Kagami thought as he had opened a closet room-Cleaning supplies closet thingy- where his homeroom teacher was lying on the ground. Hands and legs tied up with duct-tape and rope. She was also wearing a very small boys school uniform that was tearing up by the sides, because it seems to have been forced- and WOW did those boobs seem to be huge in _that _uniform as it's a males- and with a finishing touch. There was a- beer bottle on her mouth?! What the f*ck!? Now that he looks closer. The teacher has flushed cheeks and is kind of sweating and her eyes are a little unfocused... I guess the beer bottle was for silencing her. As you see a part of the bottle was already inside her mouth and her head was resting on a box wow...

The red haired male stared a couple of seconds until he realized that. 'Oh yeah I should free her...' Still a few freaking seconds and then.. ''Oh yeah! Fuck she is a teacher!'' He hurried over to his homeroom teacher and without any hesitation just fucking ripped the fucking duct tape off of his teachers skin and did she freaking try to scream- and I mean try to. Cuz he forgot to take the beer bottle out of her mouth, oops. Poor teacher- Also because she kind of tried to scream the bottle was deeper in her throat good that- Kagami took the bottle out of her mouth and then just left the bottle on the floor.

He then waved a hand in front of her eyes. ''Hey! Hey teach! What happened here!?'' The homeroom teacher shifted his eyes at Kagami and said with her final breath.. ''The...'' Pause... ''It was the.. lord F cup Ku..ro... kkk..'' And then the teacher just passed out.

Kagami just stared..

Then he yelled. ''WTF Do you mean by F cup black!?'' He tried to shake the teacher shoulders while yelling. '' I WILL NEVER KNOW! FUCK!'' The red haired teen just went to the cabinet and banged his head on the wall.

And suddenly...

He stopped hitting his head and first of all. THOUGHT that wait a minute.. Wasn't the Kuro part like, also _Kuro_kos you know. Surnames start. You know. Kuro and then Ko and then suddenly all made sense! It was Kuroko Tetsuya who did this! 'Of course omg. Kuroko came to class looking like a f cupped girl who tried to look mature, but extremely failing!' A pause.. ' So he did this!?'

Kagami stood up properly and started walking out of the closet, but paused...

'And where the fuck did that beer bottle come from!?'

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Holy Sh*t am I not satisfied with this! Kagami is too OOCs :c I know that he is stupid and all, but I think he has brains at least :c

Oh yeah and sorry again. I will go cry in le corner again.

PS: Holy shit 773 word chapter :c I will cry forever.

PSS: Kagami will get smarter in this fic to proceed. Sorry.


	4. Hot and Wet

Now it's summer. Wow and I will go to middle school. Will miss me school :c Especially the teachers. :C (Not all)

But here's a le chapter lelelol please no hade for mi slow update :c

Also warning. Some called 'Yaoi' in this but not real love unfortunately :c (dafuq with these sad emoticons? o.o )

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_Izukis POV._

Now. Izuki was minding his damn business doing what the teacher asked him to do. You might also ask yourself what did the teacher ask him to do? Well, to go get some random books that they needed in their class. He really didn't know what the books were for, but they needed them anyway. Don't ask him!

So like, as Izuki was minding his business. Walking with swag - That everyone else, but him knew that he didn't have. - and thinking that the world revolved around him. - And we all knew that it didn't revolve around him.

Some time ago. Like. Ten seconds or more passed as he started hearing clanking - or clicking. or between those two - around the corner. He assumed that the sound maker was high heels and that led to another assumption that it was a female teacher. As teachers usually wore high heels that made them sexy. Even though they were **teaching **to highschoolers who were probably hormonal and sometimes, maybe, a little bit. Fantasizing getting fucked by teachers. Just saying. Not that he fantasized about it.. nope. Not admitting... Maybe a little bit.

Izuki was approaching the corner and the sound of the high heels louder and louder. He was preparing an excuse already about why he was outside of his classroom, but as he rounded the corner he practically froze on the spot as soon as he saw what - or who - was in front of him. His assumptions were totally wrong. It wasn't even a female!

When he finally had some senses back. The only word he could say was ''what th-'' when. Suddenly. He was pushed against the wall. Melon like boobs(?) pushing against his chest - and as they were quite hard they hurt his chest a little -and a leg between his thighs also rubbing against his. Ahem. His crotch. The persons face was just centimeters apart and a slight tilting from Izuki would result in kissing. - Though that wouldn't happen, as he was so frozen to even groan about the leg between his crotch. - The person that was assaulting him was also pinning his hands above his head. The grip was surprisingly strong even though the assaulting person is _the_ Kuroko Tetsuya. Seirins trusted shadow and part of the Shadow and Light duo.

The only things that Izuki could think with his shocked mind in that moment was 'Wtf' and 'Damnn...' and then... he was kissed squarely on his mouth my the teal haired _boy _and damn was it _hot. _It also turned incredibly wet as the other teen cupped his cheek and opened his mouth with his tongue. The kiss turned to an incredibly heated one as the teal haired boy just rummaged through his mouth finding every corner in his mouth - he felt his lips starting to bruise a little bit from the intensity. - and the only thing he was able to do was be a moaning mess as the only support helping him stand was the leg between his crotch and the hand that was pinning his hands to the wall. Also during their little make out session. Izukis mind just barely noted that the phantom man tasted incredibly bitter.

Izuki was really starting to lose the senses of whose lips were whose. - and was that a hand snaking down his pants...? - But he was pretty sure, that after a few seconds - when the hand was snaking down his pants. - The melon breasts broke against the pressure the teal haired put on them while leaning over against him. He could feel wetness against his chest and also he could feel that the teal haired assaulting him froze his movements thus Izuki peeked through his eyelids cautiously - he didn't know when he closed them or why he felt really cautious at all. Oh wait. His mouth was raped.

Kuroko removed his lips from Izukis and released his hands letting him slide to the floor. Then the teal haired teen backed away from Izuki with tears threatening to fall from his eyes while holding his hands close to his chest and looking at Izuki like he was some kind of a horrible thing that just broke his dog.

Then Kuroko cried out. ''You broke my _chest_! Monster! Get away!'' The teal haired teen then took his high heels off and started running away to who knows where.

All the eagle eyed teen could do was watch as the other male ran away like a school girl who just got his heart broken - though he got his melons broken, only. - and when finally the teen realized what happened he stood up with shaky legs and wide eyes.

Mumbling to himself he said. ''I can't _make out_ what just happened...'' cue with a pun from his bruised lips. The books that he had to retrieve for his teacher forgotten.

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OMG YES I am happy with this chapter now. Omg I didn't know how it would turn out, cuz this is my first time making a make out scene. Like holy shit.

Also. This is the longest chapter I think I have ever made lol. I just so loved how this turned out :DD Third chapter I am coming 4 u! :DD Oh god and then I will be doing a few other fanfics. First one about Kuroko then about a rare pairing and then about Akashi :DD Two cracks and one romance. Hopefully I will do nicely on that since it will be kind of smut the romance one. :DDDD


	5. Clues? Please?

Holy shit this is the third one on row. You know. Omg. Then I can go and take a break and go on my pace like a lazy muther fucker I am :DD Thanks for staying for this story lulz and there will be more chapters. Dunno how much more but there will be more chappies :D

Oh and a little sponsor! You people who like smut and rare pairing should go watch a MibuTakao Fanfic. Oh god I forgot the authors name. But he/she is awesome o3o

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_Kagami's POV~_

He had just aimlessly walked - better yet half jog, half walk. - around the school. No destination whatsoever and no clues the whereabouts of Kuroko or good ones at least. . 'Oh thank fucking goodness Kuroko didn't do _that_.' He shuddered still remembering what a female student had told him when he had asked _what had happened here._

''Oh god why me.'' Kagami muttered. All this chasing and stress was giving him headaches. Ughh... ''Yes why me indeed...'' The red haired teen looked around looking surprised to find someone responding - or hearing what he was saying. - to him. Looking around the corner he saw his teammate, - presumably the pun lover going by the name Izuki - his face leaning against the wall like something terrible and depressing had happened.

''Umm Izuki-senpai...''

''Yes Kagami..?'' The black haired teen turned his head so his cheek was leaning the wall just to stare at the red haired.

''Why are you you faceplanting the wall?'' A small pause and then. ''No wait scratch that. Was _Kuroko_ Here?'' He pressured the teal haired teens name.

Izuki tensed and opened his eyes wide as he heard his sexual harassers name, but now he at least knew that yes. Kuroko did not just act out of character only in front of him, but he had only one question. ''Did he also rape your mouth too?''

''No he didn't. He just acted all weird and crazy(?) in front of me and the classroom, but why would you-'' The red haired teen then stared at Izuki. Just stared until. ''Ooooooohh...'' And then his face kind of turned a little bit red from the cheeks that seems to also have affected the black haired male, because he seemed to bloom a little blush on his own cheeks.

...

''Sorry for your loss.'' Kagami Finally uttered. Still kind of feeling awkward from his realization.

''Yeah it's ... okay..'' The response was said also awkwardly. Izuki then finally removed his face off the wall and then turned to look properly at Kagami. Shifting his feet he then uttered, ''We should probably look for him..? If he did that to me what is he gonna do _next_?'' The black haired male shuddered. The memory still in mind. Damn he had to wash his mouth... though it didn't feel that bad.

The aces face flashed a mortified expression at the realization that yep. They were in school. A crazy Kuroko roaming around the school. Intoxicating not so innocent students into all kinds of stuff... Yep. They had to find him first.

''Okay let's start looking around. Do you have any clues senpai?'' Cuz nope, Kagami himself had none-Well not many, just that he found the teacher in _that_ condition-. Izuki crossed his arms and put right hands fist under his chin. '' Hmm.. When Kuroko. Ahem. Came quite close to me. I kind of smelled a strong bitter smell coming from his mouth...'' ''That could be it then!'' Kagami interrupted going through a Heureka moment. Izuki dropped his hands onto his sides a confused look on his face. ''What could bee it, cuz I see no honey.''

The red haired glanced at the older boy. The other teen was grinning like he found pure gold and his hands pointing at Kagami with his index fingers. Kagami just stared his face twisted in turn confused. ''What?'' ''Bitter? Honey? Opposites?'' He still had the grin as he cocked his head slightly to right. The ace just stared stupidly at the other and a really repeated silence came back until Izuki just swung his hand once. ''Nothing, nothing. So what did you realize, Kagami?'' ''Previously I found my and Kuroko's teacher in a closet without her 'teacher's clothing' and she had a beer bottle to silence her.'' The older teen looked for a second and the hit his fist to his palm. ''Oh! So if she had a beer bottle on her mouth and Kuroko did indeed take her clother or am I wrong in assuming that? He looked kind of like a some teachers do.'' ''Yeah you're right I think. She had his uniform... wait a minute did Kuroko _strip_ our teacher from her clothes!?'' Cue with the sudden realization. - I guess he was too shocked in the beginning.

''Holy chicken nuggets. Is Kuroko gonna survive this after he is sober...'' After realizing that he spoke already what the cause could be he guessed he should continue. ''After all. We double think this trouble is caused by alcohol or not?... What do yo-''

''_**EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKK**!''_

''What was the hell was that!?'' Kagami looked around.

''I don't know but maybe it's Kuroko?!'' The older teen looked at the red head. ''If something is going on it doesn't mean it's caused by Kuroko!''

''Better be safe then sorry. I think the scream came from the bathrooms and if I am correct the girls on.'' Kagami groaned already thinking what the possible outcome could be. ''Fine. Let's go!'' And so the duo started running towards the bathroom. More informatively the girls bathroom.

-l-

\- _In the Bathroom three minutes before the scream -_

-l-

The teal haired phantom staggered around coming in the bathroom that had many stall in them that the phantom couldn't really count, though it was apparent that one was locked. The male staggered over to the mirror and looked in his reflection. His expression changed to a happy one as he slurred. ''Ni- Nigo? Is dat u? Why u have no boobs?'' He touched the mirror and immediately his expression changed to sorrow. ''Y-Your not nigou.'' The teen then turned around and took his shirt off stained in watermelon, cuz his boobs were crushed in the previous incident -And really, he didn't encounter anyone else after he left Izuki.

Kuroko then heard a click thingy and he turned to the source. It was from the stall opening and it seemed that the innocent person hadn't heard him slurring for some reason or another. As the stall opened the teal haired drunkard took few sluggish steps and took the innocent persons hand from the handle and yanked it out of the stall.

Slamming the stall door closed he pushed the girl against the door took her hands up above her and with the other hand he silenced her. The teal haired teen then leaned to the girls ears and -surprise surprise.- the girl had ear-puds in her ears that seemed to have blocked off the slurring. The phantom man then started biting her ear gently and licking. It seemed to be working as her ears seemed to be turning red as well as her cheeks. He then pushed his leg between her legs and started kneeing her under the skirt. The ear-buds that were in fact in her ear fell off during the sucking and licking of the phantom player.

Moving from her ears he moved in front of her face. A face that seemed to be shocked, scared and kind of turned on if that was an expression. The teal haired teen then took his hand off of her mouth and then closed in to make out with her before she could speak. As she was about to open her mouth when he took his and off of her mouth he already had his tongue in the girls mouth searching every cavern while spreading his bitter taste. Her struggles were getting very weak as she still has a knee rubbing her, ahem, panties.

As she was about to shut her eyelids she heard a piercing scream.

''EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKK!''

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TO BE CONTINUED (after a year xD)

I am going to school tomorrow! It's the 10.8.15 that I finished this omg holy shit. I finished this and the internet is shutting down omg yesss


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